Discernment

If you are reading this blog for the first time, I hope you will begin with the first entry as it serves as an introduction to all that follows. :)

The following is a response to comments received regarding two of my earlier posts.  My responses were too long to directly format as a comment, so I made them a post! The comments made me think about many things that are important and were difficult for me to articulate.   I'm beginning with Fr. Sophronius' wisdom and following up with a few words of my own.

So, to begin:

(excerpt from Sophronius 2nd Letter on Discernment, )

Discernment is“right judgment” and the two words are used in this way in the Holy Scriptures. So we can say that every judgment reveals a kind of discernment.

The commandments are given to us as a rudder which directs the movement of the boat. Good and evil are defined first in the Decalogue and that does not concern us here because we define good and evil according to the love of God revealed to us in the wisdom of the cross which has at its foundation the Decalogue. The cross is the true new measure of what is good and what is evil for the new creation. By his resurrection our Lord Jesus Christ defined for us [with] his new creation what is eternal and what is temporary. Because the cross and the resurrection are one event, the eternal good is that which is of love and has the seal of the cross, I mean sacrificial love, which demands from us to give up even our life itself for the sake of the one who offered his life for us our Lord Jesus Christ. What is good is revealed by the cross and the resurrection more than by the Decalogue because adultery was physical under the old covenant. But in the new creation it is in the human heart where the Holy Spirit dwells and it is in the human heart where good and evil are born. So also we do not kill but give up our life for Christ and for our brothers. This was not in the Decalogue because the cross was not erected as the sign and measure of true judgment. We no longer keep the Sabbath according to the Jewish customs but according to the resting of the new creation where making peace and forgiving injures and trespasses is the true rest and the true Sabbath which we keep with the Lord and for the Lord. The Decalogue remains unchanged but our relationship with God and with each other have changed according to the Gospel.

Logic is a tool which helps, but does not exclusively govern my ability to discern what is “true” or what is “real”. Why?  Because, as a tool, logic is limited to the assumption that I know all of the variables in a given equation. Accordingly, I don’t trust my ability to “reason” through every belief, nor is it the only means by which I am able to discern what is true, real, beautiful or just. I also use my heart or “nous” and ultimately, I hold that up to the example of Christ's love. There are many things in my experience which defy logic and rational explanations, not the least of which are the actions of human beings. So then, it is the “knowing” of my heart that I trust, not the perception of my senses or even the analysis of my intellect.

  Logic, in terms of the “rule of reciprocity” expressed in mathematical terms as a balanced equation, and as a universal moral standard, cannot be applied to our faith as it is expressed in the Gospels. Christ’s crucifixion, death and resurrection were in no way a reciprocal equation or a logical act. He, who was without sin, took the sins of all upon Himself in order that the scales of justice concerning the actions of men, be overturned. In this one act, the loving God, through sacrifice and motivated by love, reconciled and redeemed all of creation. This is a mystery, not an equation. Christianity calls us to return good for evil, love for hate, not good for good or evil for evil. Perhaps the Old Testament law of "an eye for an eye" was meant to limit the amount of retribution one man might demand of another, based upon the hearts of men at that time and the society in which they lived. Certainly Christ "raised the bar" when He came in the flesh to teach men and to save them from themselves. And in setting this higher standard, He also gave us, through the outpouring of the Holy Spirit, a connection to Him by which we may overturn the limits of the "Law". The “rule of reciprocity” does not prevail in a belief such as this. This mystery is integral to the tenets of our faith and is part of a core of beliefs which sets our Faith apart from all others. The fact that evil exists, and that it exists even in persons who profess our faith, in terms of an equation, is not equal to the tenets of our faith being flawed. It is not logical that God would become a man to redeem all men. However, it does show us, by example, that Love is the means by which evil is conquered. You cannot slay evil by killing one man, or a thousand – evil can only be eradicated when a man’s heart is transformed by selfless love on behalf of those whom he values more than himself. That is why Christ did not use His omnipotence to destroy the evil people and potentates of the day, that is why there is such importance placed upon the "condition of one's heart" in the Gospels.

With each new being, there is the potential for holiness or evil through the exercise of free will. The “rule of reciprocity” must always fall short when there is a conflict of desire, and even of need. In our “reasoning”, if there is a choice between my survival and yours, it is logical that I put myself first.

Since I know that my ability to reason is limited to certain factors, i.e. intellect, pertinent information, etc. the only part of my person that has the ability to overcome these limitations is precisely that part of me which defies rational thought and logic. That part, is of course, my “nous”. Through my own experience and by reading the accounts of others who trust in this “nous”as it is understood in a Christ centered life, I have experienced, witnessed and as a result, learned or discerned, that this is the only way to overcome evil and suffering in this life, and it is the only place where joy, hope and faith may exist and grow.  Reason or logic, intellect and knowledge are in and of themselves subject to gross misuse by men who do not also have  the temperence of wisdom.  Wisdom, or discernment,  comes from God through the Holy Spirit and enters through our open hearts.

What is a man?

If you are viewing this blog for the first time, please go to the first entry as it serves as an introduction to the writings that follow.

So then...

If man is truly “created in the image and likeness of God”, what does
that mean and what then is his role in creation?

To me, it means that men have the potential to be the most powerful,
and life-giving creations of all His created beings. Scripture
affirms this.

It means that as you look around and perceive all that is beautiful,
terrible and noble, men – individually and collectively, have the
inherent ability to be the most beautiful, powerful and noble creation
on this earth, at this moment, and for all time. But, you cannot be
what you do not know, what you have never perceived, or, if you
perceive these truths there is the knowledge that you are flawed,
imperfect. Unlike Christ, you must fall short. What then is the
point? It is simply this – that with this awesome power and beauty
there is a terrible responsibility. And, responsibility is the key.
You must respond to your divinity through effort of will. You must
fight the darkness within and without, using your strength, wisdom and compassion, to protect, to uphold and to fight the Evil one as he prowls this present darkness.
Those who are weak – cry out to you, some silently, some with tortured
pleas. That which is temporal, that which is finite, that which
contradicts this divinity by way of the flesh through temptation and
ignorance, must be overcome - moment by moment. You were not created
to indulge your temporal desires. You were not created to wield that
power for your own comfort and need. You were not given that power in
order to crush those weaker than you to your own will. You were given
this divine aspect to create in the midst of all creation, those
things which are life giving – in word and in deed. Your failures
must be given up – let go of, or, they will inhibit this purpose.
Satan will win the final victory if you allow yourselves to be
paralyzed by guilt and remorse. Remember, what sin or failure you
cling to, fills a space in your soul that could and should be filled
with life-giving light.

So then, turn away from the darkness – within and without – fill
yourself with the power and wisdom God freely gives and in turn, be a
light in this great spiritual darkness. Don’t let yourself be
distracted by the concerns of everyday life. Do what you must to
maintain, but do not let your focus be on this alone. Embrace those
in need, empty yourself in giving life and love to those around you
who so desperately need it. God will never abandon you or cease to refill
your cup, and, when your days upon this earth have come to an end –
you may then look to our Lord, the source of all Love and Truth, and
know that He will receive you into eternal life having been the
greatest of His creation and the servant of all.

Look into the faces of those you love and those you meet, what
you perceive reflected in their person will tell you if you have in
some way become that which you were created to be. If all about you
are suffering, then you must give more and take less or you have
failed to reflect the light of God’s love. The weak may then become
strong, enabled by you, to continue the good work which you have
begun. Replenished by your love, your care, they are in turn free to
be bearers of that same light. But it begins with YOU.

If you doubt this - look around you and perceive the evil in the
present hour.   Listen, and you will learn of the enormity of man’s
ability to perpetrate death, destruction and despair. Listen again –
you may not hear that mans’ propensity for good may far out-shadow
such evil. If you don’t desire this goodness, if you don’t believe in
your personal and collective ability to create this glimpse of heaven,
it will simply never exist.

Men have the power to choose to let those who are weaker than
themselves assert the truth and even, to live. You have only to look
to those countries where men wield this power to the death and despair
of women and children to know that this is true. Good men, certainly
any man who professes to be a Christian, must hold this power in check
to allow the gifts and strengths of others to become manifest.

And, while a man may begin this course by directing his energies toward his own family, he must not be content with his own little “church”. The
need is too great. That is why Christ poured Himself out so
completely. He was not satisfied with those whom he knew, he strove
and conquered for all. That is the standard by which a man must
measure himself, that is the goal he must ever pursue.

I hold this mirror before you because my life and the lives of
many others depend upon your recognition and response to precisely
this. Love, in moments, may be wondrously happy, even delightfully
simple – Love in its full Glory, must always be both sacrificial and
bittersweet.

Reality

If this is your first time viewing my writing - please begin with the  post titled "the crazy lady's emporium" as it serves as an introduction to this site    

 “Reality is an illusion of time” – I wrote that 40 years ago- sheesh!  It is limited in a number of ways. If I’d written “Reality is an illusion of time and perception” it would still have been limited.  If, as the cliché goes, “Time changes all things” then, were they ever truly “real”? Primarily, it was based on a definition of “reality” according to sensory perceptions.  What we deem to be “real” depends upon our definition of the word and the perceptions which precede it. Reality, in those terms, is similar in many ways for all – and also different.  It’s like sola scriptura.  We share the same Bible, but each of us may interpret it in different ways – hence different conclusions abound.  Yet we use the term “real” as though it is something concrete and non-negotiable; and we further confuse the issue by substituting another word, “true”, as having the same meaning.  Yet the very things which we can “prove” to be real, are often the most deceptive in that they are also the most transitory. So, something may seem to be real, but not be lasting, can the same be said for what is true?  I think if we limit ourselves to a “reality” based solely upon the receptivity of our senses and our ability to measure them, we are limiting ourselves in an adverse way.  Does “truth” change depending upon a random set of variables?  If it doesn’t change, then what exactly can we call “true”, or “real”?  Yes, it is a question of semantics, but those words affect our lives in a profound way. 

     Objects which we create have only a period of time before they no longer exist.  Nature, the cosmos, plant and animal life, etc., are only “real” and provable for a varying amount of time.  Can we call anything that is transitory “real”?  How can we trust our senses and perceptions to formulate the definition of “reality”? Is reality connected to “Truth”, and if so, in what way?  If we can refine our perception of what is real or true, can we draw nearer to God? 

     Let’s say God is Truth.  If Truth is an absolute, can it vary in any way?  If God is Truth then He is the most “real” part of the universe, of our reality. Can anything transitory or finite be called “true”?  Each of us experiences the world through a lens.  It is the formulation of thought in our own minds and this lens “colors” our perception of everything and everyone we come in contact with.  It even colors our perception of the past and the future.  We are all “Looking” at the same reality, but each of us “sees” it differently based upon the “lens” we view it through.  How do we know whose lens provides the truest perception of reality?  Some are obviously flawed and we can tell…like the person who views stealing as a justifiable act based upon self-gratification.  There are an unimaginable number of lenses through which we may view any given situation.  No wonder the world lacks unity.  I’m interested in attempting to view “reality” or “Truth” or God, through a lens that is not skewed by my own personal experience, limitations, and desires.  For me, there is only one lens that I trust to attain that goal, and it is through the eyes and heart of Christ.  Perfecting that lens is for me, the journey of a lifetime.  But, it is a place to start and to return to when I get lost along the way. 

        The older I get, the more often I see the paradoxical nature of our existence.  Reality is just another example.  That which seems real, is transitory, that which seems unreal is part of an eternal truth.  Suffering is another example.  It seems life destroying, hurtful, painful and it is, and yet, it is a path by which we become, in many instances, more holy, more loving, less selfish.  Christ died – a temporal reality, to bring eternal life – a great paradox, perhaps the paradox.  Until I flipped the binoculars that I viewed this life through, I could not see with any clarity.  I am still adjusting the lens, but I know that I am nearer to Truth today than ever before.

   This process of discerning the differences between temporal reality and eternal truth is important because I desire the actions of my life to contribute to both.  Yes, I must sustain the temporal life I live and share with others, but I must not make that the sole thrust of all my actions.  If I were to simply react to each “real” situation or opportunity, I would be missing something more precious and important.  It is the eternal “reality” that matters most.  And the heart or “nous” is the entrance to that realm.  In the end, all that really matters about my life is how well I have loved God, other human beings and His creation.  All of the day-to-day things that I do, i.e. feeding my cats, spending time and caring for others, cleaning the toilets, etc. all are directed toward that goal.  I hope that through these actions – no matter how humble or mundane, I am transforming the temporal reality into something more “real” and therefor eternal; and though the remembrance of these things I do may pass, their consequences and value will not.

Surprised by Love

  If this is your first time viewing my writing - please begin with the first post titled "the crazy lady's emporium" as it serves as an introduction to this site.

   I began writing “poetry” when I was twelve years old.  This cycle of poetry is in roughly chronological order starting with my earliest attempts.  I was sick a lot as a child, and having spent  much time in bed, I read a lot, drew and painted, learned to sew and knit.  I’ve continued to pursue these pastimes throughout the years.  I don’t profess to write good poetry, they are better described as vignettes or pictures which capture in a few words, what I was experiencing at that point in my life…

PATHS OF TIME

My soul is restless,

Wandering through the lonely paths of time…

Through fields of wildflowers,

Drifts of snow…

Beneath cherry blossoms and leaves of gold…

Stopping only for a moment’s breadth –

Then rushing on to discover new fields,

Lovelier thoughts, and the beautiful paths

Only one’s heart can find…

1968

THE GIFT

One rose,

One single, yellow rose

Stood serenely alone amid feathery green.

And yet, somehow, that one rose

Brought more happiness to my lonely soul

Than could a bouquet – in a lifetime.

For it had been a gift – of his love.

ETERNITY

Endless and Everlasting

Far reaching – Never ending.

Dark and Mysterious –

Twinkling, Shining, Forever Enduring…

WAR

The fighting has ceased.

The world is quiet- the worst is over,

Harm has come.

Stillness, everywhere – a frightening calm –

As is the Sea before the Storm.

And when the storm is past and the winds become still,

The Sun will shine upon the waters,

And God will give Light once again – to this world.

Alone.

In this darkened room I sit,

Alone but for my purring cat. 

Lost in despair, my tear-burned eyes

Are brightened only by the candle’s glow.

There can be no "goodbye"

For those who have loved –

Only “hello” until the moment that Friendship

Becomes Love.

TO WYNKEN

Little Wynken, with patchwork face –

Impish spirit – innocent heart!

Always playing at madcap pace-

My love was captured

From the start!

1978

MANIC

Thoughts rattle in my brain-

Circling swiftly down the drain,

Sounds shatter empty time-

No sound attuned to mine.

Life within a cerebral daze-

Images a colored, swirling haze.

Trapped within a crab-like shell-

Torment in an imagined Hell.

Draw me into your colorful sound

Embrace me softly – turn around!

Want me – Need me – Can’t you see –

The intense light of life within me?

Invisible walls exclude me – without.

Need and moment- Cruel and kind

Shelter your contempt or pity

From my mind.

Just before dawn…

To all I love – past, present and future.

I love you still – and I have Hope!

For I kindle the fire within my heart.

Amid the darkness, the fire does ever glow…

I speak not of passion – though passion Is.

I speak of Love, which embodies all.

My heart can love, and love, and love!

Surely this is the greatest miracle!

For my heart knows no limit

When I allow it to Be…

March 1978

BLUE EYES

Can’t you see me?

Here – beneath this face whose lines have deepened.

Perhaps it’s my figure – no longer lithe and delicate.

I’m still here though-

She’s still here – and so alive!

I suppose you just aren’t looking anymore…

Are you still there?

Yes!

Sometimes you give yourself away.

But the eyes whose depths I once could fathom,

Seem now to be only mirrors –reflecting.

When did you close the door?

Will I ever enter again?

1982

A PARADOX

Once I dreamed a dream that was so beautiful.

Like a rainbowed bubble, it floated upward on the breeze

Of a sunny, summer’s day.

And though I yearned to keep its beauty-

I knew that I dare not touch it-

For in touching – it would burst!

And so, confounded, I stood there watching

As it rose higher and higher, until at last-

It was out of sight, and was no more.

How does one let go of something that one has never held?

YOU and I.

I know that I am an insignificant grain of sand,

That my life will be swept away into the ocean of eternity.

Yet-

I am a uniquely beautiful person

That this world will know – but once…

BETRAYAL

Damn you false gods with feet of clay!

What a fool I’ve been to worship you.

I had love once and threw it away

Searching for a fantasy.

Don Quixote,

I am your daughter.

A cold wind blows-

It burns my eyes and chills my heart.

Reality dawns and with it-

Empty ugliness.

Where is the real betrayal?

It lies within my own heart.

It is the missing piece that drives me to pursue

Romantic illusions instead of peaceful warmth.

1985

CHILDHOOD

Dark, dismal, dreary days passed-

And I with them;

They carried me along as if in a dream-

Or a state of confused sleep.

Not knowing if I were awake or dreaming,

I tossed and turned – unable to rest or to find peace.

I lived on the seventh floor

In a three bedroom apartment that had

A picture window over-looking tall, green trees

And an old brick home which seemed incongruous

To the concrete and asphalt structures

That surrounded it.

I’d ride the bus to school,

Ride it home again,

Walk through the lobby and report in-

Dreading the confrontation and hoping-

Hoping to be allowed to go outside

To the stony-floored playground below.

Grey days with a chill in the air,

I’d skip down the concrete stairs,

Sometimes four or five at a jump-

Turn the steel knob which lead

To the black topped parking lot where

My social life began and ended.

There, my fishbowl world,

Evolved and revolved around me.

I’d go over to the swings

Sit in the canvas horseshoes

To think – or to cry – or to fly high-

Over the rocks and dirt below.

Those were the days of waning strength-

Of hurt and frustration,

Of a gradual disillusionment

With the people and the world around me.

I lost my childhood dreams one by one-

For it seemed that they never came true.

When cold and darkness merged to threaten

I would stop and remember that I must go back.

Fear and Dread, demons of many shapes and forms-

Loomed before me once again.

With head bowed and eyes turned inward,

I summoned my weapons, one by one.

Reason, Faith and Courage would ensure my survival this night.

They had for as long as I could recall.

And survival was all that I fought for – not Victory.

There were not even dreams of victory.

And so the years of my young life passed-

A senseless, twisted chain of struggle and despair.

SHE-SPIDER

Sometimes my mind spins such a silken snare

That I find I am caught in my own web.

Tangled so exquisitely in my own fear and need,

I struggle what seems an eternity

Trying to break free…

And if the pain becomes to great to bear-

That silken snare becomes my cocoon-

Where I am suspended in time,

In a dark emptiness that hears, sees and feels – nothing.

And so you stand-

Ever before me-

Real yet unreal,

Poised between my desire and my fulfillment

I am tormented-

Haunted by a spirit whose will all but crushed my own.

And though I fought simply to survive,

You stand spider-like, inside my consciousness-

Ever ready to attack all intruders and to defend your dark stronghold.

IF I COULD- I WOULD – THROW YOU

BEYOND THE STARS and breathe free from FEAR.

How can I do it?

I have searched and searched for a way

Only to find myself tangled – ever deeper.

“Love is a miracle” – I believe that-

But your black hairy body is such a hideous part of me

That I cannot have faith in the love of myself!

But – I have Hope -  that perhaps someday,

I will be Free-

And that I will know – at last – the miracle that is LOVE.

SILLY THINGS

Melodrama

Cyclorama

Sunset blue

Blackened hue.

Constant Rain

Wracking Pain

Two  lives crossed

Love lost.

How to end

Eternity’s Trend

Castles in Air

All in despair.

The wind is my spirit

The ocean – my sensuality

The earth – my humanity.

Reality is an illusion of Time.

NO EXIT.

There is no Time to let us be-

Yet, I need you to understand my pain.

I am crying from despair

For you could fill my loneliness – this I know.

There is no channel – no exit that we can take-

Outside this Time to our Time.

Why do you torment me so?

Dangling before me all that could be-

Then denying it with every breath…

It’s all so one-sided, this I know

I’m a fool to spend time thinking of you-

All my tears are just rain upon your roof…

GUIANA

Tears run from eyes that saw you-

The Nine Hundred.

Laid – piled – in that commune in Guiana.

I will not forget you.

My sorrow has no mercy on me.

Sickened, I gag.

My jaw is locked, my mouth hangs-

I am wretched with pain.

The Grand Inquisitor again asks “Why?”

And is answered by a cold wind

Carrying the hollow sounds

Of glass chimes-

That echo on and on

In this empty November night.

REBEKKA

O child within, how I do love you!

What a soft secret we share…

As your tiny feet and hands

Ripple gently in my womb,

I feel the stirring of a new and unknown life.

You, to me, are the consummation

Of all the beauty of this world-

That this life can offer.

Beyond your father, beyond this time and place,

Your being – your existence – fills me with radiance

And I share in the mystery and the glory

That Mary and that every loving mother

Has ever known.    

 August 1984

FIRSTBORN – For Margaret Rose

Sweet Bliss!

Such sweet Bliss!

This precious babe nursing at my swollen breast

Has fallen asleep!

Inwardly I rejoice at so rare a moment-

One that I shall never forget-

Yet, I ache with awareness of our tormented world.

Sleep peacefully, dearest one,

Enfolded in my tender love,

And for a moment-

Give to us a glimpse of

True Bliss!

April 1980

THE LITTLE PRINCESS – for Christina Irene

Little Miss Moffatt sat on her tuffet,

Eating her curds and whey­

Well, actually – she didn’t like her curds and whey-

Or her peas either – for that matter!

And so I am reminded of one little princess of my own,

Who wore a crown of golden-brown curls

As thought it were a halo about her sweet little face!

And I think of my dearest little girl,

Both stubborn and angelic,

Who has become both adamant – yet unsure;

Pensive – yet resolute.

She is my graceful, white swan,

Who dances as though she were gliding on water-

And the memory of her moving so sadly, so beautifully,

Brings an old longing to my own heart

And a gentle smile to my lips.

When I think of her,

A woman now, standing tall and strong

I see her eyes, dark reflecting pools,

Where rests a certain melancholy gaze

And I know that the child remains.

For in her dream-like countenance,

I perceive that she awaits her Prince,

That she remains apart, not aloof,

Untouched and yet longing for that One,

Who will fulfill her dreams-

Despite a world bereft of fairy tales.

And I pray that He will come…

A WINTER’S LONGING

Sometimes during Winter’s frigid onslaught,

I dream of the warmth of a Summer’s day.

I long to throw myself down,

To embrace the Earth

And to smell the abundance of Life, therein.

I yearn to feel the Heat of a Scorching Sun,

Penetrating to the depths of my humanity-

For it is then that I feel so small-

And with Blissful Joy,

I become one with Creation

And with God.

THE HAPPY SOUL

Dawn ignites a Magnesium Sun

Of blinding White Light!

Clouds do have Silver Linings-

I saw them this morning!

Who can fully know

The Joy and Exultation

That Crowned the Creation of this day?

Witness a Miracle!

Where is the humility in such joy but in our Thanksgiving!

A WIFE’S PLEA

You can see the candle shed it’s waxen tears-

You can see it’s illumined glow-

You can see it slowly melting away…

My tears are hidden deep within.

You may not see my life slowly passing-

There are times when even i

Cannot feel an inner glow.

But I do feel the precious moments of my life

Slipping away – in a mass of confusion, doubt and fear…

I know that every human being must feel such sadness,

Yet we cannot share our grief-

For we are alone always in this life – this body.

Perhaps I should write of happy things?

Certainly I have know many beautiful moments.

But sometimes, the burden of the present reality engulfs me-

As do the tears the candle sheds.

My Golden Man,

We, like the candle, must burn-

And so we must shed our tears,

But your light shines upon me and I do love you-

With a woman’s heart, an artist’s eyes, and a poet’s soul.

From the depths of my being, I reach out to you – my darling,

Comfort me in your tender arms, and try to remember

That our life is passing with each new moment.

Don’t waste the precious tears-

Please, my darling.

THE KINGDOM WITHIN

Tonight while walking toward home amid the newly fallen snow,

I watched as tiny, sparkling snowflakes fell.

The town lay hushed beneath its blanket of diamonds,

Harsh, familiar shapes

Transformed by their dazzling raiment

Into a glistening, crystalline Kingdom.

It’s the purest snow I’ve ever seen…

So light – that I swept it up and with hands held high-

Let it go!

Like shimmering confetti – it danced to the earth.

The night was cold, yet I did not hurry,

Nor did I think one troublesome thought.

For, I too, had been transformed-

Enveloped in its magical embrace

All thoughts of present concerns were swept away,

And my being was filled with radiance

From the beauty which I beheld.    

1986

A FAR REALM

I am glad to go.

I do not care to linger here.

Here, where the grass is green and soft

Beneath my feet.

Here, where the water is cold and clear

As it travels along the creek.

Here, where the serpent hides himself – Waiting –

For the unaware, the careless – the ignorant –

To Strike!

No, I do not care to linger here one moment longer than I must,

For I see, in a far realm,

a home – an abode of safety,

Of peace and openness;

Where one need not fear each step of the journey,

Where every joy is not Bittersweet…

I would go instead to a place

Where one need not fear one’s own purity,

Where I might live happily and innocently, forever.

A LAMENT

Sing sweetly, oh my soul-

Sing, as tears course down my cheeks,

Sing, as sorrow upon sorrow grieves my heart.

Sing, as clearly and as sweetly

As my voice can lift itself upon trembling lips.

I fix my eyes upon Jesus,

The Christ, the Good Shepherd-

Who walks with me in my pain-

And my mistakes-

And my ignorance.

Who forgives and loves

And forgives unceasingly..

Never questioning my heart-

Knowing full well that it is His only,

Ever and Always – His.

Sept. 1999

FOR GREG

All who yearn to,

May draw near to the light of God’s embrace.

All who ask of Him –Courage and Strength and Wisdom,

Will receive from His infinite cup, that Grace which they desire.

Within my being,

There also exists a need to be embraced

In a human expression of that Love.

And so,

In my love for this man,

And through his love of God and his love for me-

I experience both the love of God, and the love of man;

Which combine to form a bond

Whose nature cannot be expressed in thought or word alone.

If this were not true,

Why then was I created with hand and heart,

To touch and to hold another’s hand in mine?

Why then, was I given a mind and a spirit,

If not to love another as God loves me?

This night you take my hand,

To walk with me through this life – to the next.

In this way and through this love,

We are able to forgive one another – our human imperfections.

And so together,

We become one, to radiate and to reflect

With reverence and with joy,

The light of God’s love for us,

And our love for Him.

The one God, who is the source of eternal love and infinite Grace,

And to Whom, all love shall one day be returned.

A LOVESONG

Oh God –

Master of Creation –

I desire to know You better!

I cannot wait until I die.

I must find a way –

Despite this darkened mirror.

Help me to find your Living Breath

To hear your unmistakable Voice

Amid an ocean of distraction.

Lord-

There are so many, many times

When if feel that you are

Just before my eyes –

If only I could see.

I want to touch the hand

That created this world – this cosmos –

This masterpiece of diversity

And complex harmony.

To balance ALL at once!

To then mold into Perfection!

I know that I love You…

Whatever my flaws –

Whatever my weaknesses.

In the deepest recesses of my human heart –

There is only love for YOU….

ADORATION!

Holy God,

Holy and Mighty,

Holy and Powerful and Perfect!

What would God have me to do?

A question that sometimes tickle –sometimes torments.

As I travel the many paths the years afford-

I draw nearer to it’s answer – yes I perceive it at last!

So simple the end, so complex the way.

God is Love – He Loves – All of His Creation!

It – no we, please Him.

He creates – He Loves – He sees life in a void.

Creation is not merely a display of His power,

Nor is it simply an exercise of His will.

It is a path by which we may know HIM.

Creation is a revelation of Self!

I, too, humbly create.

I perceive the infinite variety, the complex harmony,

The brilliance of colors, the diversity of form.

God creates wondrous – breathtaking Beauty!

It is His desire.

God set me into His continuing Creation – to LIVE!

Not with shame,

Not forever consumed by self-awareness of error and flaw-

But to live! To be the one part of this Creation

That may appreciate what He has done…

He wants me to live!

Christ said, “I am come that they might have life…more abundantly.”

He came so that we may return to the Garden.

He came so that we may walk joyously and fearlessly with Him –

Despite this veil of separation.

I know that I am a miserable sinner,

Even as I repent – I sin.

It becomes an unending cycle of failure.

That is the condition wherein myself alone,

I live.

Yet, I am in the Church,

Which is the body and therefore the bride of Christ-

Who as the Bridegroom, is gloriously present!

Remorse must not blind me to this joy-

This mystery of sanctification!

HE is come!

I would instead – Rejoice!

I would instead – Trust!

I would instead – give Thanks!

I would Love my Lord.

Father, I will try to simply be,

A beautiful part of Your magnificent Creation.

Walking with You, in Faith,

With honor and in Love.

To become that which we once were-

Human beings in perfect harmony with Creation and with Creator.

I will not try to be other than what I am –

A woman and Your little girl.

Someone who loves You,

My God,

And my Father.

Valentine’s Day 2003

LONGING

I stand,

Poised on the frame of a picture,

Looking in at Your handiwork,

And I long to leave this mortal flesh behind.

I long to enter the realm,

The dimension where our only separation

Is my awareness of Your Strength, Your Power,

  Your Wisdom, Your Beauty.

Thank You for my life today,

Full of distractions – such happy ones –

That I may wait upon You with less impatience,

Less sorrow.

“Now I am in the world – but not of it.”

I am one of Your divine creations,

Set forth into this moving puzzle of Life..

For a time…

For a purpose…

But someday I will return to my home,

To my Lord whom I love without fail,

And in Whose Radiance I shall once again know

The Fullness of Love.

AN AUSTERE BEAUTY

This morning,

Late in Autumn,

Mist-embraced branches

Are lined with sparkling tears.

Moistened leaves are falling heavy

And I think,

The trees are crying.

They remember – as  I do-

That Spring – like Youth, is full of joy-

Of surprise!

Each day a mystery of unfolding beauty,

Of Promise!

Branches are adorned with buds

That burst with new life

When kissed by gentle raindrops.

The landscape a softened palette of pink, purple and white.

All too quickly Summer comes.

Leaf-laden limbs are heavy with burdens,

Green-burgeoning branches conceal a cerulean sky

With the business of Life – of Living!

Tumultuous storms reign their fury upon the earth

Awesome in their power, they ignite an awareness of Self.

In the height of this verdant glory,

The living things of the earth bear fruit,

Creating new life in the years to come.

A sobering and solemn change is coming-

In the very sound of dry leaves

That rustle restlessly in the wind.

No sooner have the living borne fruit,

Than comes the knowing

That warm Summer days have come to an end.

A sadness of parting begins.

The days shorten-

A burst of color!

Vivid change!

A profusion of oranges, reds and gold emerge.

The merest hint of green is all that remains

Of Summer’s frenzied passions.

Suddenly – the branches and trunks reappear.

A time of awareness –

That all will not continue as it was.

Time itself is short –

The light – less and less,

As the earth prepares for the Long Night.

I, too, bear fruit,

For now, the height and depth of my soul begins-

Gleaned from the intertwined canopy of green

Born of the wisdom of passion spent.

Fraught with knowledge of shortened days-

I step back from this magnified view

To observe the completed panorama,

And seeing it-

I am filled with desire of purpose-

Of need beyond myself.

Irrevocably,

These glorious days pass.

The last leaf falls.

Ice, forms a chrysalis along each branch.

An austere Beauty begins…

In the solitude of reflection,

I am filled by an effusion of Light –

Magnesium-white Light!

Pure and cool it shines upon snowy lands,

Bringing into focus that which was earlier obscured.

Trees form silhouettes against a lavender sky-

Their true character and strength revealed.

Naked they stand against harsh winds-

Stripped of all distraction,

Undaunted and resolute,

With secret knowledge of Eternal Life.

And so stand I.

Unadorned, strong, wise.

Stripped of outward vibrance

Illumined with clarity of thought

Hallowed with suffering

Humbled of pride.

Pruned in Divine preparation,

I am a willing servant

Honed by God Himself.

Able to discover that which is unique

Able to behold that which transcends the cycles of time,

And having found these aspects-

To love truly,

Seeing as though through the eyes of Christ

Having been emptied leaf – by leaf,

And then filled with His Grace.

And like the towering trees

With enduring Faith, Hope and Love,

I await the first Breath of Spring.

Now – I am ready – for you…

October 2004